Roadkill

It doesn't pay to try and compare New Zealand and Australia, there are just too many contrasts.

While New Zealand is small (but perfectly formed), Australia is 'lucky' and vast.  

There are approximately 900,000 kilometers of roads in Australia; New Zealand has 90,000. 

Where there are roads, there are cars and where there are cars there is roadkill.  Here the similarity ends.

The last time I returned to Godzone, I was struck by the sheer number of squashed animals that ornament our rural roads. Being small, they are simply left there.  When fresh, they feed hawks, and eventually the combined effects of decomposition and compression by passing traffic reduces their sad little bodies to nothing more than a furry pancake or red smear on the tarmac.

And NOBODY CARES.  

Each animal versus car fatality is considered to be a small victory in the fight to protect our native species.  

It is not a nice thing to run over an animal on a rural road in the darkness.  A small thud, a sick feeling then a glance in the rear view mirror.  But would you stop, get out and check that the animal was dead? or render emergency medical assistance if it was mortally wounded? - HELL NO.  

Why not? There is almost a 100% chance that the animal you had just struck was an invasive introduced pest.  In New Zealand the only good possum is a dead possum, ditto rabbits and hares, and weasels and stoats (stoatally different and weasily distinguished).  Hedgehogs carry horrible fungal diseases and decimate our native invertebrates, while magpies and myna birds aggressively defend territory to the detriment of our native bird life.  

I once worked with a young English teacher who wrote his car off swerving to avoid a magpie. "Why would you DO that?" I asked.  "They're only Australians." Quietly, I wondered why he had never noticed that Magpies are almost impossible to run over.  They 'play chicken' by standing right at the edge of the road, and take a single swift sideways step, right at the very last moment, as if daring you to swerve.

The attitude to roadkill on this side of the ditch is completely different.
With the exception of Koalas, most animals that you are likely to hit are large enough to cause significant structural damage to your car. 'Roo-bars' serve a practical purpose, and striking an Echidna necessitates tire replacement.  Australian roadkill is  never subtle.  Large dead marsupials are a hazard to motorists and in many cases collisions with cars threaten the survival of local animal populations. 

As a new immigrant, I admired the numerous yellow road signs that notify travelers of the presence of Australian native species.  I thought that it was very helpful of the Australian roading authorities to advise watchful animal lovers of the possibility of observing these species in their natural environment.  Other signs are equally subtle. Some provide an emergency number that can be rung if you should encounter an injured marsupial, others simply warn of unfenced roads. 

In the absence of emergency assistance, there is an Australian protocol that should be followed if you should discover (or create) fresh road kill.  It involves determination, a strong stomach and a fair amount of prior preparation.

1. Take your 'Roadkill rescue kit' from the boot. It should contain a 'joey bag', sharp knife, gloves and a large sack with a drawstring neck.

2. Check for signs of life 

3. Determine the sex of the injured marsupial (kangaroo 'man-bits' are mercifully fairly obvious)

4. If female check the pouch for a joey

5. Try not to think of the Simpsons episode set in Australia.  Bart - (in pouch) "Ew its not like in cartoons." Homer - "Yeah, there's a lot more mucus."

6.  If the joey has fur, take it out, place it in the joey pouch, put it in the sack and drive hell for leather to the nearest vet

7. If the joey has no fur, settle your stomach.  Take the knife and surgically remove the teat it will be clinging to (do not attempt to pull it off the teat, this will kill it by pulling its mouth apart). Make sure the piece of flesh that the teat is attached to is too large for the joey to swallow and choke on. 

8. Place the joey in the joey bag, put this down your shirt, next to your skin to keep it warm and drive hell for leather to the nearest vet. 

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  One day when we were happily driving aimlessly through the rural outskirts of Melbourne, we happened to notice a very large dead kangaroo by the roadside.  No big deal, we saw a few others on the same day and felt no particular sense of responsibility or urgency.  On the return journey, we noticed the same dead roo - but noticed that its tail was MOVING! What to do? the thing was huge! should we attempt to manhandle it into the back seat and drive it to a vets? What was that damn injured marsupial emergency number? Do you dig in the pouch if the thing is in its death throes? 

We slowed for a closer look, and witnessed.......... an enormous black crow exiting from beneath the kangaroos tail, a length of blood stained lower bowel clutched in its beak.  We drove on, nausea competing with a guilty sense of relief. Give me a hawk feeding on a dead rabbit any day.